I’m not really good at writing about things that makes me happy. But let’s try.
I really hate being tied down by anything or anyone.
It’s not like I was tied down by anyone, I was tied down by my own self. I was too uptight. I became too worried about what the future may bring. I thought I was in control of everything, but I wasn’t when my emotions and thoughts got out of hand. It controlled me when I was supposed to be the one in control. I couldn’t leave what I should’ve left because I was tied down by my fear of the future. But as the present turned into past, I was already carrying a lot of baggage that stopped me from moving on further with my journey. One friend felt that I was already stuck at being lost so he talked to me and told me what he thought about the whole “situation”. That gave me a head’s up but I really didn’t act on it much. I knew what I should’ve done back then but I just couldn’t leave the baggage because it changes everything, and I was afraid of change.
Then everything came crashing and rushing in towards me, and I took the entire blow just because I couldn’t leave the baggage I was carrying. I didn’t know the baggage was just garbage and carrying it was meaningless but I still clung onto it.
I actually decided to write this because I got motivated by a song—Live Like We’re Dying by The Script/Kris Allen. I never valued my life much back then, I didn’t appreciate what I had, I was ignorant to the fact that I was luckier than most of the people in the world and I was willing to throw it all away in one slash. You don’t have to force yourself to be happy or to be contented or to feel all the good vibes in this universe, it just happens. What you have to do is to learn how to appreciate what you’ve got and think positive.
So if your life flashed before you, what would you wish you would’ve done?
If people were to ask the 17 year old me “Why Law?”, I would’ve probably answered “Because that’s what my mom wants for me”. Well you see, I wasn’t really THAT interested in law before. It’s always like “Wow a law book, yeah okay, go sit right there in my bookshelf amongst the books that I don’t read.”
My interest then (and up until now) was in the field of arts. Don’t get me wrong, I still and always will love art; it has been part of nature. But I also like the law now. I get excited whenever I see cases, law books and it’s the same excitement I feel whenever I have new art supplies.
I applied for a law firm and luckily I got accepted. The lawyers were so warm in welcoming me and they were all so very supportive when they found out that I would be taking up law. Most of them even told me “If you need anything don’t hesitate to approach us. We have a library of books here”. And seeing them work have inspired me and motivated me to do well in Law School.
In just a few days, I’ll start going to law school and I hope this post would remind me of how much I want to be a lawyer. And I know that all the forthcoming sleepless nights could change this but…ONCE YOU’VE STARTED SOMETHING, YOU GOTTA FINISH IT. There’s no backing down.
LAW SCHOOL? Challenge…..ACCEPTED.
P.S. It’s my birthday! woooh! Happy Birthday to me! And the firm’s going to have pizza tomorrow for a belated birthday treat! THANK YOU LAWYERS! <3
This week had been a blast. I landed the job I wanted. Advance birthday celebration with good friends.
A “blocked” number appeared on my screen. I was at first hesitant to answer the call, but as curious as I was—I answered the call. And as it turned out, it was the law firm that I emailed a few weeks/month back. I got called for an interview scheduled at 2pm that day. When I walked inside the conference room, I can’t help but stare at what was laid out in front of me. The city skyline was so beautiful from up there. Then came the partners that interviewed me, before the interview ended they asked me when can I start and I told them “as soon as possible”. They told me to start on Wednesday.
They oriented me and told me what to do. And as I sat there on my desk, I felt like Rachel Zane—minus Mike Ross and a Dad who’s a bigtime lawyer in another firm. I was introduced to the lawyers in the firm who were very warm in welcoming me and even adviced me to good in Law School. A work like that of Suits? That’s the dream.
Night time came, my mom with my aunt fetched me so we could go to Makati. It was the despedida of my relatives who will be returning back to the US. They all knew it was my birthday and they all gave me presents—which was totally unexpected. After a few hours of chatting we finally called it a night.
It was our Firm’s 8th anniversary and despite the busyness in our office you could still feel everyone’s in a festive mood. We ate at Vikings and played bingo after. Me being hired just this Monday was such a perfect timing for me being able to join the firm’s anniversary and an advance birthday gift for me also.
The spark that kept me going
Ignited the fire within
Continue pouring the kerosene
And light me up as I continue making a scene
Brave New World
Aldous Huxley (via venuspalms)
——-WHAT I WANT, PHRASED BEAUTIFULLY.
It’s never too late to realize what you want in your life. I have realized what I want when everything fell apart.
I built a wall around me, around the people I love with such high hopes that they won’t try to break it down to leave me. I thought that was the right thing to do. When the walls around me fell apart slowly, I felt trapped and the thing I’ve built that I thought would protect me ended up hurting me instead. And when the final brick fell on my head, that’s when I realized what I want in my life.
There’s good times, there’s bad times—that’s life for you.
You’re not happy all the time and you will not be sad all the time.
It’s life, we have to deal with it. We have to enjoy whatever’s laid out in front of us at the moment.
Live in the moment
Wrap my soul in a blanket
Break the walls that I built
Rebuild the bridge that I once burned
Unfreeze the heart that was frozen
And keep it warm
Mend the wounds that was inflicted